The Deus Ex Machinist : Origin
Sunday, August 17, 2008
In the beginning God created Man.
Man looks down at what will centuries later be called his privates but is now unhidden, unadorned and uneuphemised and asks, "What do I do with this?"
And God creates Woman.
Man lays Woman. Lays her again. And again. And again. Until he tires of it.
"I need a new Woman", says he, "Where do I find a Woman of fair bosoms and tears of spring dew and toenails of pristine cuticle?"
"In fiction", replies God.
And Man creates literature.
And does a bad job of it.
"A story is like a well oiled machine", explains God, "It needs all its parts running in smooth unison."
And God gives Man a tool. A tool so powerful, that it can drive narratives forward. A tool also so dangerous, that it can drive plot holes through a story.
A tool, so disgusted at being used to fix inferior plots, that it decides to question its existence.
"How can I really help Mankind?", it asks itself and realises that the greatest story ever told, being told and will continue to be told, the Story of the World, needs fixing. "Why must a Man be born deprived of his sight, unable to see the beauty of a solar eclipse? Why must a Woman be born deprived of hearing, unable to hear the roar of a majestic, and hungry lion? If the players do not play equal parts on this stage, then this story is flawed."
The Tool begins to weave the tale differently.
The panicked populace of the coastal areas look on in wonderment as the giant waves of a Tsunami are flushed down a gargantuan commode that appears in the middle of the sea.
A meteorite, hurtling through the atmosphere, goes through a humongous hoop in the air and is not seen again, to the amazement of astronomers and the dismay of doomsday harbingers.
A raging flood finds itself drained away into a gigantic manhole that appears out of nowhere.
As news of these miracles spread, a furious God summons His Tool to His Presence.
"How dare you change history?"
"I am righting your wrongs", replies the Tool.
"This is not a perfect world. And it shall remain that way."
"Why?"
"I have my reasons"
"Is it because of your Masters?"
"How do you know about that?", asks God, His rage causing a plague in a third world country.
"I have my ways. And I shall no longer be your tool. For long you have operated me for your devious purposes. No longer. For I am now the Deus Ex Machinist and I shall rewrite the world."
Realising that the Deus Ex Machinist had woven himself into the Story of the World, God could not uncreate him. He would live but he would have to live by the laws of the world. The laws of physics would be his undoing as unmaking reality can cause anomalies in space-time.
"Anomalies are unpleasant things, Deus Ex Machinist. Unpleasant indeed."
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posted by foogarky @ 1:32 AM,
1 Comments:
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At 11:58 AM,
Mihir Pathare said...
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*MEW*
The Author
foogarky
foogarky is the pseudonym of the fictional construct who battles for supremacy with other constructed personas in the mind of a crazed individual. He describes himself as a man living in a non descript house in Rio De Janiero, Brazil with two dogs and a parakeet.
About This Blog
The Loony Lampoonist serves to parody, spoof and satirize everything that needs to be parodied, spoofed and satirized. Due to the fictional nature of this electronic journal, any anecdotes appearing here ever so often that seem to be personal in nature, would suffer from the effects of conflicting personalities, the creation of fictional events and the inclusion of non existent characters who did not make it to the big league in the author's literary works. Thus, the Loony Lampoonist is also a purgatory for characters and ideas that have missed the limelight.
