The Loony Lampoonist

The Quill of Mockery

Read the origin of Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero in chapter 1 of this epic saga here :


Chapter 3 : The Quill of Mockery

What pen does Mr. Lampooner use?

Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero uses no pen. He uses a quill, hand crafted from the feathers of a Mockingbird. The Quill of Mockery, they call it. The only one of its type in existence.

"Who's they", you ask?

"It are us", reply a group of old men, seated in a tavern, "we sit 'ere all day talking about them legends."

"What can you tell me about the Quill of Mockery?", asks a curious individual seated in the corner, identity obscured by bad lighting.

"Legend has it that in the beginning of time-", one of the old timers starts saying but is cut short by his compatriot, "That is a different legend, Seamus."

"Oh, right. Forgive me. I grow old and my mind is not as fast as it used to be. Well, legend has it that the Quill of Mockery was crafted by hand from the feathers of a Mockingbird-"

"I know that bit", cuts in the curious individual, "the narrator covered that part of the legend."

"Curse them narrators, always stealing our lines", grumbles the old man and continues, "Okay then, it has been said that the Quill of Mockery thirsts for blood." "For blood!", he repeats for dramatic effect, banging his fist on the table.

"Shouldn't it thirst for ink?", asks the C.I.

"It drinks ink. But it thirsts for blood. The blood spilled of the man, woman or child who will be the victim of the biting satire of the Lampooner."

"That is all I needed to know", replies the C.I with a malevolent laugh.

"Wh- Who are you?", stammers the old timer.

"I am no one. And yet I am everyone. I am the Shape Shifter of Bollywood."


Covered here in chapter ten of my book Superhero Existentialism, I have discussed the need for entities called "Super Villains" to maintain the balance of good and evil in the world. The creation of Superheroes in this world had tipped the balance of good and evil and as we all know 'Too much of a good thing ain't good', there was born the need for a counterbalance of the Super variety. And thus was spawned the Super Villains. This was a breed of fictional characters created with the sole purpose of world domination or its destruction. They had colourful personalities, and their looks ranged from ethereal beauty to disfigured ugliness. Regardless of the visage, the ladies loved them.

The most notorious of this clan is the Shape Shifter of Bollywood. The police records on this super villain reveal how little we know about this person :

Name : The Shape Shifter of Bollywood [Has no known real name. Is known to assume the identities of characters in an "inspired" script.]

History : As movie makers began the process of 'Indianization' of Western films, scripts were being rewritten by scriptwriters (who may or may not be the director himself, though a cinematographer or lighting technician is known to fill in at times) and settings were being changed to somewhere in Indialand and characters were being renamed to a Devanagiri equivalent, the problem of incomplete, two dimensional characters came up. "Our characters don't seem alive", was a common refrain among the film fraternity in Indialand until the Shape Shifter of Bollywood birthed himself, herself and itself.

This was a mysterious entity that would occupy the empty bodies of characters of an inspired script and give it life. An entity that could be a holier than thou Mother of a hero in one scene and a sexy vamp in the next. An entity that could even take the form of one of the avatars of Lord Vishnu, the Hindoo God of Indialand. In short, the Shape Shifter could even be YOU, if your biography were ever plagiarized into a Bollywood script.

Powers : As defined by the script.

Limitations : A legal suit of plagiarism from a Hollywood studio can spell doom for the Shape Shifter of Bollywood.

posted by foogarky @ 12:22 PM,


At 1:33 PM, Blogger taurius1 said...

I wants that law suit now, kthx plz.


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foogarky is the pseudonym of the fictional construct who battles for supremacy with other constructed personas in the mind of a crazed individual. He describes himself as a man living in a non descript house in Rio De Janiero, Brazil with two dogs and a parakeet.

About This Blog

The Loony Lampoonist serves to parody, spoof and satirize everything that needs to be parodied, spoofed and satirized. Due to the fictional nature of this electronic journal, any anecdotes appearing here ever so often that seem to be personal in nature, would suffer from the effects of conflicting personalities, the creation of fictional events and the inclusion of non existent characters who did not make it to the big league in the author's literary works. Thus, the Loony Lampoonist is also a purgatory for characters and ideas that have missed the limelight.

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