The Loony Lampoonist

A chink in the male armour

I looked him in the eye. The left one, to be exact. Rage.
I looked into his right eye. Rage again.
It was unmistakable. This giant in a schoolboy's uniform could be, in all fairness, a good writer or possibly even a good composer of romantic poetry. But at this moment only murderous intent filled his mind. Murderous intent directed at me, I realised whilst imagining the level in a lifespan meter above my head dropping down rapidly.
This champion of bullies had ignored me through most of the school term, but chose to include me in his long list of victims today. I wasn't in the mood for a bout of bullying, so I pointed my middle finger upwards in an offensive gesture. It didn't go down too well with him. He snarled and charged at me.
I bent downwards to avoid his fist. I chuckled as his swing failed to make contact. I did not anticipate an approaching knee though. It went straight for my family jewels.
Darkness fell. A few words slipped in through the darkness momentarily.
"This is where your lineage ends, for sure", a gruff voice mocked.
A female sounding voice seemed to say "Oh, he's never going to be doing any of us again".
Ignoring the excruciating pain, I stood up. There was interference in my field of vision. Revolving stars, birds and other assorted foreign objects made my perfect 20/20 a myopic 20/70. Nevertheless, I walked towards the green blur. As I got closer my heightened sense of smell confirmed my location. I had reached the bushes at the far end of the wall.
I unzipped my pants. I held it in my hand and closed my eyes. Up and down my hand went and I experienced my most painful and yet joyous experience of my life.
Foogarky is still in the game.

posted by foogarky @ 1:21 PM,


At 10:30 PM, Blogger taurius1 said...

Ouch. >_<

Use some ice :)


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foogarky is the pseudonym of the fictional construct who battles for supremacy with other constructed personas in the mind of a crazed individual. He describes himself as a man living in a non descript house in Rio De Janiero, Brazil with two dogs and a parakeet.

About This Blog

The Loony Lampoonist serves to parody, spoof and satirize everything that needs to be parodied, spoofed and satirized. Due to the fictional nature of this electronic journal, any anecdotes appearing here ever so often that seem to be personal in nature, would suffer from the effects of conflicting personalities, the creation of fictional events and the inclusion of non existent characters who did not make it to the big league in the author's literary works. Thus, the Loony Lampoonist is also a purgatory for characters and ideas that have missed the limelight.

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