The Loony Lampoonist

The Three Laws of Parodics
Sunday, October 19, 2008


There has been a recent spate of allegations against I, Mr. Lampooner, including the infamous Case of the Missing Mods in which I have been accused of kidnapping the moderators of an online community for the purposes of mutiny and Lé Sarkozy Affair in which I have been suspected of impregnating the wife of a prominent head of state and most recently the Sense of Humour Fiasco in which I have been charged with the theft of the sense of humour of my audience to make it my own thereby increasing my humour capabilities hundredfold. 

I do not often speak of science, but here I find myself in a situation requiring a lecture to clear the air, and consequently clear my name. So sit tight kids, while I teach you the Three Laws of Parodics :

1. A lampooner may not injure the mind of a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to lose his/her sense of humour.
2. A lampooner must obey orders given to him by The Flying Spaghetti Monster [the One True God of all lampooners], except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A lampooner must protect his own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.


And violating the Three Laws of Parodics can result in the legendary Einstein-Doobiewedder Paradox*

A lampooner who steals the sense of humour of his audience [represented in this example by Tom, Dick and Harry] and as a result gains the sum total of their humour capabilities finds that his sense of humour, increased threefold, has no effect on the now sense of humour deprived audience. In short, he is unfunny.

* Note 1 : It has been pointed out that Einstein suprisingly played no part in the postulation of the Einstein-Doobiewedder Paradox. In actuality, it is wholly the work of one Doobiewedder, an 18th century janitor who lived during the time of Albert Einstein's grandfather, and dabbled in metaphysics during his work breaks. It is possible that he must have attached Albert Einstein's name to his work to gain credence, creating another famous paradox in the process. The Grandfather Paradox. 

A man whose name is mentioned in a time of the past before his birth would, in theory, be born in that time. Erasing his name from that record would cause his dual-temporal deaths, one in his present time as there is no record of his previously born past self, and one in the past where there is no person of that name in the future to refer to and make mention of.

posted by foogarky @ 12:42 AM,

6 Comments:

At 3:11 AM, Blogger Mihir Pathare said...

Don't you dare think for a single minute that this monologue lets you off the hook!!!

Do you realise the cost I've incured in investing in new hooks to hang your blubbbery massive body from all the time??

 
At 3:14 AM, Blogger foogarky said...

Worry not, old friend. With all the allegations being flung at Mr. Lampooner, the law of improbable probability states that at least one will stick. So you might still have use for those hooks yet.

Until then, this chopped beef isn't hang itself up. Let's put those hooks to use. :D

 
At 3:15 AM, Blogger foogarky said...

isn't going to hang itself*

 
At 3:16 AM, Blogger Mihir Pathare said...

*shoots*

 
At 2:45 PM, Blogger Mesh said...

New Scientist proved the existence of the grandfather paradox.

You guessed it, FSM.

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger To Be Rock And Not To Roll said...

I remember some writer (or he must have been FSM himself,) telling me once that a writer believes in existence of multiverse which thus in itself questions the existence of a paradox called the grandfather's. (and hence that of doobiewedders. Colon P, again).

 

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foogarky

foogarky is the pseudonym of the fictional construct who battles for supremacy with other constructed personas in the mind of a crazed individual. He describes himself as a man living in a non descript house in Rio De Janiero, Brazil with two dogs and a parakeet.

About This Blog

The Loony Lampoonist serves to parody, spoof and satirize everything that needs to be parodied, spoofed and satirized. Due to the fictional nature of this electronic journal, any anecdotes appearing here ever so often that seem to be personal in nature, would suffer from the effects of conflicting personalities, the creation of fictional events and the inclusion of non existent characters who did not make it to the big league in the author's literary works. Thus, the Loony Lampoonist is also a purgatory for characters and ideas that have missed the limelight.


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