The Case of the missing Mods
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I have nothing to do with it, I swear, even though I did plot their downfall. However my plans were still on the drawing board when this happened. An interesting turn of events, I must say.
And to prove my innocence, and find the missing modules..moddies..modfingers..argh whatchamacallthem, I shall employ the services of a detective who will solve this mystery and clear my name. And since we don't have any in IAW-land, I shall have to find one in the next town.
After an hour of looking through the phonebook, I find one suited to my needs. I dial the number and a connection is established.
"Hello"
"This is the office of Red Rye, P.I. Please press 1 for a murder, 2 for a missing person, 3 for a missing pet, 4 for a lying, cheating, despicable spouse and 5 for a bit of a chit chat."
I pressed 5. (Hey, I get lonely at times. I could do with a little small talk.)
"We don't have time for idle banter. State your business, please."
"Butbut your number 5-"
"Oh, we get a laugh out of it at times. Like this time. So, what's it going to be? Your wife cheatin' on ya?". I could hear a snigger.
"A detective?"
"Yes"
"Sorry, don't know any."
"Well, a sleuth?"
"Don't ring a bell"
"A gumshoe?"
"The what now?"
"A dick?"
"Who you callin' dick, mister? Do ya kiss your mother with that mouth?"
I felt like giving up. "A private eye?"
"Oh, why didn't you say so earlier? We've got the finest private eye in town. Red Rye, P.I. is your man. Err.. woman actually."
"Most splendid! When can she start?"
"She has"
"Has what?"
"She has started investigating this case. She drinks the red wine of the town's grapevine, y'see, and she knows all about the missing moderators"
Ah, that was the word I was looking for. Moderator.
"Yes. She says she suspects the hand of the lampooner in this. He was seen callin' for a mutiny recently and demanding an end to the rule of the moderators."
Oh-oh. "The lampooner, eh? I hear he is an evil, evil man."
"The epitome of evil, some say. So can I have your name please? For our records."
I thought fast. "John Dough"
"John Doe? Isn't that a really common-"
"No, not John Doe. John Dough. With an 'ough'. I'm a baker."
"Oh okay. John Dough. Well, you'll be hearing from us, Mr. Dough. I'm sure Red Rye, P.I., will solve this case in no time and she'll put the lampooner right where he belongs. In prison."
Gulp. "I hope not", I murmured, weakly.
"What's that?"
"I said I hope she does."
And thus ended my conversation with Katie Moss, Red Rye's secretary. My fate now rests in the hands of a Private Eye. I don't want to go prison. I hear they don't serve pudding for dessert there. Oh, how horrible!
posted by foogarky @ 11:08 AM,
1 Comments:
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At 3:29 AM,
Kaber Vasuki said...
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Ha ha ha.
The Author
foogarky
foogarky is the pseudonym of the fictional construct who battles for supremacy with other constructed personas in the mind of a crazed individual. He describes himself as a man living in a non descript house in Rio De Janiero, Brazil with two dogs and a parakeet.
About This Blog
The Loony Lampoonist serves to parody, spoof and satirize everything that needs to be parodied, spoofed and satirized. Due to the fictional nature of this electronic journal, any anecdotes appearing here ever so often that seem to be personal in nature, would suffer from the effects of conflicting personalities, the creation of fictional events and the inclusion of non existent characters who did not make it to the big league in the author's literary works. Thus, the Loony Lampoonist is also a purgatory for characters and ideas that have missed the limelight.
