The Loony Lampoonist


"It was nearing Christmas when I hit puberty. Francis began looking at me differently since. My breasts had grown bigger and I would notice his eyes going down towards them when he thought I wasn't looking. I let him stare though. I figured that one day he would ask me out to a movie and dinner and we would return to his apartment later in the night and throw ourselves at each other, hungry for the taste of flesh. It happened months later and we found ourselves in his place, undressing each other. As he pushed me to the wall, I resisted playfully and escaping his grasp, stepped away from him, tripped over the couch, crashed through the French windows of his balcony and fell to my death."

"It ends there?"


"That was a great hook though."


"A pity that it had to be wasted here."

"I wouldn't call it a waste."

"It is a waste, isn't it? How could this story continue after the accidental death of the narrator?"

"Well yes, we wouldn't have descriptions of characters and setting. But tales have been successfully told in more extreme circumstances, haven't they?"

"Probably. But I have no interest in the literary avant-garde."

"That's surprising. Aren't you one of the openers?"


"Were you scheduled to appear on page 1?"

"I'm not sure. Where does one check that?"

"In the draft, of course."

"I received no draft."

"You're beginning to sound like a secondary character.."

"I don't know who I am. Who are you?"

"I am the narrator's father."

"Oh. What do you do when you know that Francis is boning your daughter?"

"Warn him to stay away from my little girl, I suppose. My character is stock unfortunately, to drive the story along."

"Well, I think you can still serve your purpose."

"Really? How?"

"Applying Occam's Razor, I figured that I could only be Francis. And here we are, standing over your dead daughter's body. In your rage, you assume that I am responsible for her death. So, are you going to take this story to its bloody end?"

posted by foogarky @ 10:34 AM,


At 7:20 AM, Blogger Kaber Vasuki said...

I love your writing.

Could you put up a post with the adventures of capt hooker in order?

At 11:15 PM, Blogger Raveena said...

Awesome! Best post on this page!


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The Author


foogarky is the pseudonym of the fictional construct who battles for supremacy with other constructed personas in the mind of a crazed individual. He describes himself as a man living in a non descript house in Rio De Janiero, Brazil with two dogs and a parakeet.

About This Blog

The Loony Lampoonist serves to parody, spoof and satirize everything that needs to be parodied, spoofed and satirized. Due to the fictional nature of this electronic journal, any anecdotes appearing here ever so often that seem to be personal in nature, would suffer from the effects of conflicting personalities, the creation of fictional events and the inclusion of non existent characters who did not make it to the big league in the author's literary works. Thus, the Loony Lampoonist is also a purgatory for characters and ideas that have missed the limelight.

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