Mr. Lampooner in the hereafter.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Read the origin of Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero in chapter 1 of this epic saga here :
http://loonylampoonery.blogspot.com/2008/06/mr-lampooner-literary-superhero.html
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Chapter 4 : Mr. Lampooner in the hereafter.
Armed with my trusty Quill of Mockery, I travel this land of strange typography. As far as the eye can see, bizarre formations dot the landscape. I see sights and hear sounds that my senses have never encountered before in my journeys.
"What strange book have I leapt into this time?", I ask myself.
The book is presumably not written in English, explaining the strange typography of this land. In my journeys I have encountered literature in other tongues, finding myself at ease in their grammar. I have even traversed the literature of the Arabian lands, famed for their reverse sentence construction, causing the rivers to flow from the seas into the land and the Sun himself to rise in the west and set in the east. However, never before have I, Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero, set foot in a landscape so alien as this.
I see images of death all around me. They appear in symbols. The symbolism is all pervading. Is this a language constructed with symbolic alphabets? Each symbol seems to have a meaning of its own, representing a concept or an idea.
My train of thought is derailed by a booming voice.
"Who art thou?", asks a man, skin painted the deepest green, dressed in a pharaoh outfit.
"I am Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero.", replies I, in awe of the aura that envelops the man.
"A self proclaimed superhero? How boringly boastful. What right have you to enter this sacred text?"
I hold up my parodic licence. "This gives me the right."
"A licence to parody? Very well then, carry out your vile deed. But, have you any idea where you have landed?"
"I seem to recognise a few hieroglyphs. Have I fallen into Egyptian literature?"
"Yes. The Egyptian Book of the Dead, to be specific."
"Great Cleopatra's Garters! Then you must be Osiris, God of the Dead!"
"Yes. And I hope you've paid your mummifiers in advance. You are in the Afterlife."
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Is this the last chapter of the saga of Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero?
posted by foogarky @ 12:32 PM,
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To quill a Mockingbird
Read the origin of Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero in chapter 1 of this epic saga here :
http://loonylampoonery.blogspot.com/2008/06/mr-lampooner-literary-superhero.html
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To quill a Mockingbird out in stores now!
Hailed by the New York Times as 'the definitive guide to lampoonery written by part time superhero, part time writer Mr. Lampooner himself', this volume, out now in paperback and hardcover editions in all leading bookstores, features toilet humour of septic proportions and orgasmic comedy that will leave you cumming back for more!
"Is this a good present for my young grandson?"
"Hell, no!"
posted by foogarky @ 12:30 PM,
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The Quill of Mockery
Read the origin of Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero in chapter 1 of this epic saga here :
http://loonylampoonery.blogspot.com/2008/06/mr-lampooner-literary-superhero.html
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Chapter 3 : The Quill of Mockery
What pen does Mr. Lampooner use?
Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero uses no pen. He uses a quill, hand crafted from the feathers of a Mockingbird. The Quill of Mockery, they call it. The only one of its type in existence.
"Who's they", you ask?
"It are us", reply a group of old men, seated in a tavern, "we sit 'ere all day talking about them legends."
"What can you tell me about the Quill of Mockery?", asks a curious individual seated in the corner, identity obscured by bad lighting.
"Legend has it that in the beginning of time-", one of the old timers starts saying but is cut short by his compatriot, "That is a different legend, Seamus."
"Oh, right. Forgive me. I grow old and my mind is not as fast as it used to be. Well, legend has it that the Quill of Mockery was crafted by hand from the feathers of a Mockingbird-"
"I know that bit", cuts in the curious individual, "the narrator covered that part of the legend."
"Curse them narrators, always stealing our lines", grumbles the old man and continues, "Okay then, it has been said that the Quill of Mockery thirsts for blood." "For blood!", he repeats for dramatic effect, banging his fist on the table.
"Shouldn't it thirst for ink?", asks the C.I.
"It drinks ink. But it thirsts for blood. The blood spilled of the man, woman or child who will be the victim of the biting satire of the Lampooner."
"That is all I needed to know", replies the C.I with a malevolent laugh.
"Wh- Who are you?", stammers the old timer.
"I am no one. And yet I am everyone. I am the Shape Shifter of Bollywood."
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Covered here in chapter ten of my book Superhero Existentialism, I have discussed the need for entities called "Super Villains" to maintain the balance of good and evil in the world. The creation of Superheroes in this world had tipped the balance of good and evil and as we all know 'Too much of a good thing ain't good', there was born the need for a counterbalance of the Super variety. And thus was spawned the Super Villains. This was a breed of fictional characters created with the sole purpose of world domination or its destruction. They had colourful personalities, and their looks ranged from ethereal beauty to disfigured ugliness. Regardless of the visage, the ladies loved them.
The most notorious of this clan is the Shape Shifter of Bollywood. The police records on this super villain reveal how little we know about this person :
Name : The Shape Shifter of Bollywood [Has no known real name. Is known to assume the identities of characters in an "inspired" script.]
History : As movie makers began the process of 'Indianization' of Western films, scripts were being rewritten by scriptwriters (who may or may not be the director himself, though a cinematographer or lighting technician is known to fill in at times) and settings were being changed to somewhere in Indialand and characters were being renamed to a Devanagiri equivalent, the problem of incomplete, two dimensional characters came up. "Our characters don't seem alive", was a common refrain among the film fraternity in Indialand until the Shape Shifter of Bollywood birthed himself, herself and itself.
This was a mysterious entity that would occupy the empty bodies of characters of an inspired script and give it life. An entity that could be a holier than thou Mother of a hero in one scene and a sexy vamp in the next. An entity that could even take the form of one of the avatars of Lord Vishnu, the Hindoo God of Indialand. In short, the Shape Shifter could even be YOU, if your biography were ever plagiarized into a Bollywood script.
Powers : As defined by the script.
Limitations : A legal suit of plagiarism from a Hollywood studio can spell doom for the Shape Shifter of Bollywood.
posted by foogarky @ 12:22 PM,
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Mr. Lampooner does Wonder Woman
Read the origin of Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero in chapter 1 of this epic saga here :
http://loonylampoonery.blogspot.com/2008/06/mr-lampooner-literary-superhero.html
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Chapter 2 : Mr. Lampooner does Wonder Woman
In a statement released to the Metrosexopolis media today, Mr Lampooner, literary superhero has categorically refused the possibility of a lampoon of the Dark Knight. "The Dark Knight is beyond parody", the release quoted him as saying, adding that while parodying God is blasphemy, parodying the Batman hasn't been named yet.
To a question about a possible collaboration with Gotham's Finest, the literary superhero went silent for a moment and then answered with a "HELL YEAH!" "But will Batman agree to star with a geek like you?", asked a reporter. The lampooner declined to comment.
"And what about Wonder Woman?", asked a lady, seated at the back.
"What about her?", replied Mr. Lampooner, literary superhero.
"Will you do her?"
"I sure would! She's very sexy. And that costume of hers, I could just.."
"I meant would you lampoon her?"
"I'm not sure. Why do you ask?"
"I'm Betty Friedan of the Woman's Weekly. Our readers are concerned that Wonder Woman is not represented fairly in the superhero space. We demand equal rights for the female superheros."
"By getting them lampooned too along with the men?"
"Exactly."
Mr. Lampooner had an amused look on his face, but agreed to the demands of the feminist faction of the media. The Wonder Woman episode was aired last year and went on to win the Emmy for Commendable Achievement in Female Empowerment.
posted by foogarky @ 12:07 PM,
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The Author
foogarky
foogarky is the pseudonym of the fictional construct who battles for supremacy with other constructed personas in the mind of a crazed individual. He describes himself as a man living in a non descript house in Rio De Janiero, Brazil with two dogs and a parakeet.
About This Blog
The Loony Lampoonist serves to parody, spoof and satirize everything that needs to be parodied, spoofed and satirized. Due to the fictional nature of this electronic journal, any anecdotes appearing here ever so often that seem to be personal in nature, would suffer from the effects of conflicting personalities, the creation of fictional events and the inclusion of non existent characters who did not make it to the big league in the author's literary works. Thus, the Loony Lampoonist is also a purgatory for characters and ideas that have missed the limelight.
